Party Conference

Well it is that time of year again where the 3 parties 2 of them Major and 1 minor or as I prefer to call them mediocre.

I didn't see much of the Labour conference was not fucking interested but I was told Michael Eavis was the guest speaker. I believe the venue was the Budokan Hall in Tokyo. I think I might have made it up.

But yesterday I watched the PMs speech. She appears to have styled her public speaking on a certain Bob Fleming.

Quite entertaining the set fell apart and some joker hired by BoJo offered her a P45. And still she soldiered on through and finished her speech.

And as she left the stage with that bloke that follows her everywhere apparently we are supposed to refer to him as the first bloke, or maybe it's Mr. May. Sting sang a reworking of his classic song, though thus time the chorus went "AS WE WALKED THROUGH FIELDS OF WHEAT"

The Last Fighting Tommy

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If poetry could tell it backwards, true, begin
that moment shrapnel scythed you to the stinking mud…
but you get up, amazed, watch bled bad blood
run upwards from the slime into its wounds;
see lines and lines of British boys rewind
back to their trenches, kiss the photographs from home-
mothers, sweethearts, sisters, younger brothers
not entering the story now
to die and die and die.
Dulce- No- Decorum- No- Pro patria mori.
You walk away.

You walk away; drop your gun (fixed bayonet)
like all your mates do too-
Harry, Tommy, Wilfred, Edward, Bert-
and light a cigarette.
There's coffee in the square,
warm French bread
and all those thousands dead
are shaking dried mud from their hair
and queuing up for home. Freshly alive,
a lad plays Tipperary to the crowd, released
from History; the glistening, healthy horses fit for heroes, kings.

You lean against a wall,
your several million lives still possible
and crammed with love, work, children, talent, English beer, good food.
You see the poet tuck away his pocket-book and smile.
If poetry could truly tell it backwards,
then it would.

This was written by Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy on the occasion of Harry Patch death

Sarah Failin and Louise Stench

These couple of clueless bints really could form a party all their own. Both women have right wing views have difficulty articulating themselves. Do not think their arguments through with any degree of clarity.


These fuck wits would find it difficult nay impossible to win a political debate on sesame street, even if Kermit the Frog was to ask the questions using picture books. What is even more unbelievable is that Count Dracula when he reaches the number 5 that is twice the combined total of their iq's. The views in this blog in no way represent the views of sesame street or it's parent company the children's television workshop.


One feels that anyone who intends to enter into a career within the political sphere should have to take a competency test. George W. Bush agrees with this summation.


I just hope that Boris BoJo Johnson doesn't shag either one of them, the resulting offspring would be a disaster of monumental and fucking titanic proportions.

Fifa Shit Bags

This title simply says it all. The more stories I see in the press and on the interweb, the more I want to find Sepp Twatter and poke a sharp stick in his eye. Not only did they choose a country that has 90% or it's population living under the breadline the next 2 tournaments are being hosted by cuntries that obtained the host rites under what can only be described as really hooky circumstances.

And all I can say is that Walker's crisp man Sir Gary Lineker is damn right to openly criticise those corrupt fuckers in charge of world football. If these arse candles were working in the private sector in most countries in the free world the police would be brought in and charges would definitely be brought.

I will tell you this that Sepp Twatter has got one thick hide everywhere he shows up in the soccer world he is made to feel about as welcome as Hitler at a bar mitzvah. Twatter really has got his head corked in his own backside. It just goes to show if you grease the right palms any twatting nation can get any tournament.

I hope that in the not too distant future someone kicks Twatter off of his perch.

More Look A Likes

Following on from the Assange and Maude look a likes I am going to stay on the same theme.

This time I have found two Premier League players who have look a likes in an unusual place. The first is Gareth Bale who is a dead ringer for the character of Esteban from the classic 80's or 90's television cartoon series Mysterious Cities of Gold. Anybody remember that great cartoon.

This is Gareth Bale/Esteban

This Esteban/Gareth Bale

The second look a like is a bit more frightening/disturbing look a like. Which on of the 2 is the most frightening and most disturbing image is up to you to decide but I think the real life person is the most frightening in this example. Former Everton and current Man City Defender Jolean Lescott and the character from the El Mund Gira episode from season 4 of the X Files, El Chubacabra. Take a look and see what you think.

Jolean Lescott/El Chubacabra. I am really scared now.

El Chubacabra/Joleon Lescott still frightened.

I am right Lescott could have been cast for that episode of the X Files and the producers could have saved themselves an absolute fortune on make up. Watch that episode of the X Files Lescott could be this guy.

All My Life Trouble in the Middle East

With the events of the last few weeks in Egypt and Libya and Bahrain I can't help thinking that the region for whatever reason has not been peaceful. There hasn't been a year gone by when there hasn't been some shit happening there. I can remember the American's bombing Libya. Then the Libyan's taking revenge and bombing the Pan Am jet over Lockerbie. And coming down through the years various Arab leaders have been both in and out of favour with the Western Allies. During the Iran and Iraq war both the U of K and the US of A backed the Saddam Iraq regime and ten years later we were kicking his ass end out of Kuwait. And from that time onwards he was completely out of favour with us.

During the 80's on the daily news menu hardly a day went by when there wasn't a mention of the Intifada on the West Bank or stories of the US Marines coming under attack in the Lebanese capital of Beirut. Also the arms for hostages and western citizens being seized by the PLO. Whilst at school we studied the Islamic uprising on the West Bank, and as part of our studies we were asked the question can there ever be real peace in the region. That was some twenty years ago and I came to the conclusion that it could never happen for 2 reasons. The first reason being not whilst there were dictatorships such as Gadaffi's Libya, the Iotolha's Iran and Hussien's Iraq. And the second reason being Israel's policy of not negotiating with terrorist organisations that were being backed by these regimes. But I always found that excuse to be more than a little on the side of the hypocritical. And so far I have been proved right.

Now that there has been a peaceful change of regime in Egypt the situation in the Middle East has its own snowball effect. In days gone by the powers that be in each of these nations would simply have quashed these rebellions with an iron boot. But in the age of the internet their leaders know that the whole world is watching. Gone are the days when the press can be kicked out and the local news channels could be shut down. And the protestors could be quietly dealt with.

But with the current climate in the region and Israel's attitude to the Islamic world will the question become will there ever be peace in the Middle East in my lifetime?

Has Everybody Got a Double

Francis Maude MP

Today I was watching the Politics Show on BBC1 with that ooze of toxic waste John Sopel. He was interviewing a suit full of fuck all namely Francis Maude. I did not realise he was an MP who sits in Cameron's and the Cleggonators cabinet. My first thought was why the hell is the ooze monster interviewing Julian Assange.

It wasn't until the caption came up with his name on that I realised it wasn't the wanker who leaked loads of classified shit, but instead it was one of our own elected wankers. Same old men in suits same old shit they both spout. Maude refusing to admit Cameron and Cleggonators "Big Society" is just a spin on the phrase "We're gunna pull the nuts from your trousers whilst your still wearing them."

Julian Assange Wikileaks Pillock

And Assange believing it is OK to leak documents about others and when some leaks some shit about him the wanker gets his French knickers in a twist. So I was wondering if everybody's doppelganger share the same character traits.

What Goes Around Comes Around

Assange Furious.

Reading yesterday's Times newspaper I couldn't help but laugh when I read the following headline "Assange fury as police file on sex claims is leaked online". It seems that the Wikileaks founder thinks it is ok to leak items which he feels the public have a right to know about, and that is all fine. But when something is leaked about him in connection with two counts of sexual assault all of a sudden that is something of a wrong thing. Is it in the public interest for use to read about this guy trying to force himself on two girls, or does this bloke not want his credibility to be questioned. As far as I am concerned he has no credibility. He and his organisation have set back diplomacy a long way. Wikileaks clearly has no real idea how diplomacy is conducted.

I couldn't care less if he is guilty or not of the crimes he is accused of. But he thinks it is ok for him to ruin many diplomats' reputations and in many cases loose them their jobs but that is just fine and dandy. But as soon as the content of his lack of character is brought into question the rules seemed to have miraculously changed. These types of leaks are fine for him when the people he is ruining are distant far off anonymous people with no faces, but when it comes a lot closer to home it is somehow a very bitter pill to swallow. I wish to remind Mr. Assange if you can't take it, then you shouldn't dish it out. I am also reminded of one of my best friend's favourite sayings "the emptiest vessels do tend to make the most noise".

As far as I am concerned it wasn't in the public interest to leak these classified documents. And I hope that he will get his comeuppance and finally end up deported to the United States and face the limit of their laws for the alleged crimes that he will face trial for. He seems to think that there should be no consequences for the more than dubious actions he has taken, disclosing sensitive and highly classified documents. All he has succeeded in doing is angering the most powerful government in the world. And I am no expert but that is an incredibly dumb thing to do.

So if this twat is angry about the file on the sex allegation charges being leaked then I couldn't give a flying fuck if he is upset, and nor could the numerous diplomats whose lives he has ruined. And this could be the ultimate case of what goes around comes around.

 

 

Yesterday I wanted to punch an 81 year man in the face. He was rather bigoted and racist would that have been bad form?

After I finished work yesterday I was sat in Brizzle bus station waiting for a mechanical contrivance to board for the journey home. I couldn't help but over hear two old gits and I don't mean the funny ones from Harry Enfield and Chums. They were talking about the state of life in contemporary British society; this old fucknut was talking about how he had served in the Royal Navy during the WW2. And that he didn't fight for King and Country to allow these foreigners in to take English jobs. And that there were too many robbing fornicating Pakistani gentlemen and too many fornicating gentlemen of Afro-Caribbean descent over here. I rapidly came to the conclusion this idiot had no real grasp of the reason why his generation went to war in the first place.

Now let's just ponder on what Hitler and Co. wanted to stop happening across mainland Europe, freedom of speech is the first thing that springs to mind. Frankly after hearing those 2 old fuckers talking for twenty minutes I would have been glad if we had lost the war, then I wouldn't have had to endure the GBH of the ear drum, which was not only insulting to my intelligence but the most ill informed fascist tirade I have ever heard. Firstly the complaints they made about these people living on hand outs from the government. If he had logically thought out that statement he would have realised that the time he spent in the navy his wages were paid by the taxpayer. Where does his state pension come from and presumably he also gets supplemental extras like a heating allowance. I just wish Cameron and the Cleggonator could have been there to witness their "Big Society" in action.

The only conclusion I can come to with regard to this question posed in the above title is it probably would have been bad form to punch him but I probably would have temporarily felt better. But the punch would have been wasted effort on my part, because it wouldn't have altered there thinking with regards to racism and bigotry they have spent a lifetime forming. And it wouldn't have been very easy to lamp him as he was sat with Andy Gray and Richard Keys, they were forming the South West Chapter of the Tea Party.

Here endeth the lesson.

Thursday 20th January

The Horny Old Goat and the Jailbait Hooker Part 2

Good old Silvio is back in the news again this time having a go at the Milan movers and shakers in the legal system. He is claiming magistrates have mounted what he is calling a "Politically motivated campaign to have him ousted". What does the dirty fucker think is going to happen when he is being investigated for having sex with an underage girl, who has clearly been paid off? I can't think why else a girl would be given monies jewellery and a car. The Italian PM has claimed the investigation into this affair is unconstitutional and flawed. Flawed why because it is true? He also wants to pass a law to prevent magistrates from investigating elected officials.

He says that he has nothing to be ashamed of. If you define ashamed of shafting a 17 year old girl and then paying to keep her trap shut then, job well done. The 74 year old has refused to attend any of the questioning sessions, and disputes that Milan's magistrates have the legal right to pursue the case. He is claiming that they do not have either the "functional or territorial competency". He said his failure to attend the sessions was to endorse there illegitimacy. Well to me silence speaks volumes.

The Milan officials Berlusconi claims have engaged in spying tactics worthy of an anti-mafia investigation. 150 agents questioned young girls who Silvio claimed were just his dinner guests. Girls whom he claimed were held for hours without legal assistance, and food deprived. Claiming these girls was treated like mafia suspects. Treatment he said must not go unpunished. The 385 page report much of it dedicated to the allegation that a Moroccan belly dancer Karima El Mahroug who was at the time only 17 was paid to have sex with him. Under Italian law it is illegal to pay to have sex with an under 18. But the only thing that Berlusconi and Karima both agree on is that they didn't have sex. I suspect it is because he told her "I give you lots of money car and jewellery, you say we never have sex" and she just said "Alright hand it over".

There you go kids case solved.

Wednesday 19th January

National Socialism Alive and Well in Prestatyn.

So how exactly should Prestatyn council deal with the gypsies it has in its area. Quite simple really according to Mayor Mike Eckersley, they should be dealt with the old fashioned 1930's German way. During a meeting last November the Mayor was heard to have said regarding the gypsies that "Hitler had the right idea". So is this the Tory Mayor's response on how to deal with minority groups in contemporary modern Britain. The remark was made during the council's Corporate Equalities meeting. Prestatyn council have claimed that Herman's I mean Mike's comments have caused embarrassment to the office of the Mayor. What makes this even harder to believe is that the Fuhrer sorry Mayor has only offered to apologize for his remark. When the BBC tried to contact the Mayor's office they were told Heir Goebbels was unavailable for comment.

The chair of the meeting Dr. Christine Evans said it was a "stupid" comment made on the spur of the moment. She then continued "he used the word Hitler and how he got rid of them or something like that". On Wednesday councillor Mike German (does this story get stranger or what?) is to table a motion for a vote of no confidence in the Mayor. I have learned that Heir Eckersley already has his propaganda machine working. But the Welsh branch of the Nazi I mean Conservative party found that he had done no wrong doing. At the start of the next council meeting members from all parties are expected to take a pledge of allegiance to Prestsyn and its Furher.

In other related news the Mayor has asked the Polytechnic of Prestatyn to offer honorary BTECS to a Mr. Mel Gibson of California, and one Sarah Palin of Alaska. The town's planning committee is now deciding where to build the forced labour camp should be situated, and wondering whether the "Work will set you free" sign over the gate should be in Welsh or the more traditional German. Mike Eckersley doesn't care where it is as long as it is not on his doorstep. Although his preference for the sign is to be Welsh so when spoken out loud it won't sound so gay.

The source for this story was the BBC and although some of the content herein is factual a great majority of it is not. For the actual story click on the following link BBC NEWS. This will take you directly to the story.

Tuesday 18th January

The Cock and the Rodent.

This is a story that is strange that it couldn't be made up. Or if it is you would be glad you had written it. This story comes courtesy of the good old BBC news website. And it is also a story that could only happen in the good old U S of A. A prisoner being held in Nassau County Jail in New York State is suing the said correctional facility because whilst he was in his bed he said a rat like rodent chewed its way through his mattress and then proceeded to chomp on his little fellow and two of his fingers. I shit you not. If you like go to the BBC website and search for the name Peter Solomon and this story should come up, if not just Google that shit.

Solomon is suing the prison for negligence and racism. After being bitten by the little fucker, he had to be given a course on injections for rabies. But it does make you wonder why his hand was in such close proximity to his cock, and how did the rat know where to go, or did he simply smell the cheese? Solomon is also undergoing psychological treatment for sexual dysfunction. The judge presiding over the case said the Solomon legal team had presented sufficient evidence for the case to proceed. I wonder what Sarah Palin would make of this situation, she would probably post a picture of a body with cross hairs over other parts of the body that need to be chewed. The swing state would already be in red clearly.

 

Cornish Bed and Breakfast.

The bed and breakfast that refused to allow a gay couple to share a room, had acted unlawfully. The people who own the establishment are part of the God Squad, who believes that unmarried couples should not be sharing a room. Not this unbiased person I think that these owners go to the same church as Mel Gibson and Sarah Palin. The Church of the Protestant White Supremacist's. Hall and Preddy the two man in question said the owners had directly discriminated against them for being a gay couple. The two gents just wanted to have a weekend away together which is perfectly normal. They rang the B&B to make sure that it would be okay to take a dog to their property which was fine. So presumably the owners of the B&B clearly have no problems with bestiality. Which is not surprising with a name like Mr. & Mrs. Bull.? The Bull's had to pay the gay couple who are in a civil partnership £1500 damages. And if you are a gay couple looking for a quite weekend getaway do not book a room at the Chymorvah Hotel near Penzance. Palin and Gibson have booked all the room for their Tea Party's Cornish branch.

Monday 17th January

The horny old goat and the jail bait hooker.

More shenanigans from the ageing hipster Silvio Berlusconi who again has made tabloid headlines both on the continent and here in the U of K. This time with a hooker or as she described in her own spin as a belly dancer named Karima El Mahroug. The young girl who was just 17 at the time has told investigators she attended a party at Silvio's villa near Milan where the guests were said to have indulged in a sordid sex game called "bunga bunga". Although there is no suggestion that the 74 year shafted the girl. But there is evidence that suggests Italian PM gave some cash, a diamond necklace and a car, possibly for bunga bunga. The investigation into this allegation only came about after the Egyptian siren was arrested on suspicion of theft and the most powerful man in Italy told the Fuzz she was the daughter of the Egyptian pres Hosni Mubarak. But as Berlusconi is the main media mogul in Italy and their papers would probably describe bunga bunga as the Italian version of singing around the camp fire.

Extradition still a possibility

The chap from Westbury on Trym in Bristol Shrien Dewani legal team still has not ruled out that he could be extradited to South Africa to face charges for his wife's murder. But only if his legal team's set of demands are met. These demands include no pre-trial imprisonment and if found guilty no imprisonment until an appeal has been lodged and concluded. To me this gives Dewani an opportunity to scarper to a place with no extradition treaties, so if found guilty he will not spend a day behind bars. These conditions I have read about appear to desperate actions of a desperate man. Dewani is due to appear in court on Thursday for a preliminary extradition hearing. I am going to be following this story closely and will keep you posted in due coarse.

Congresswoman Giffords Update.

The BBC reported that the forty year old politician who survived a shooting in Tucson has now been taken off of her ventilator her hospital released earlier today. She has had a tube inserted into her windpipe to make breathing easier. She is listed as critical but appears to be recovering her doctor's say. And on that news I shall finish but more tomorrow.

The News This Week 8-14 Jan

Saturday January 8^th

Today's major story has been the tragic events which unfolded in Tucson Arizona. The shooting of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. Who by some incredible miracle managed to survive being shot at point blank range in the head. And as writing this entry is listed as being critical but stable. There were 17 people wounded and a Federal Judge and a nine year old girl were sadly killed by this nutter. He was carrying a 9mm semi-automatic pistol that had a thirty round magazine capacity. This incident again has sparked much debate as to whether or not America should change their gun control laws. But if past incidents over the last fifty years are anything to go by not a lot will change. Only after President Kennedy was assassinated it became illegal to order firearms through the post. President Clinton managed to pass a law which made which made assault rifles illegal but under President Bush Jr. that law was repealed. But all I think that will happen is that they will pass a law that makes these large capacity magazines illegal. It is difficult to get new gun laws passed as the national rifle association basically writes their gun control laws.

The idiot who was arrested at the scene is a 22 year old named Jared Lee Loughner, who according to every news report that I have read/seen on TV describes him as mentally unstable. No shit any man who walks into a crowd with a loaded handgun and starts shooting people clearly is not playing with the full deck of cards. The situation was also inflamed by Sarah Palin's website and twitter feed which posted a poster with cross hairs all over the American map and Giffords name was on this map. Why because she supports health care reforms and changing society for the better. But then Palin believes men and dinosaurs walked the earth together. I have read some on line articles that state she should be charged with something in relation to these shootings, but she can't be held responsible for someone else's actions. There are many laws on the US statute books, but being a moron is not one of them. If it was I don't think George junior would have got elected as pres.

 

Sunday January 9^th

Today saw the return of King Kenny to the manager's job of Liverpool Football club. But it wasn't exactly the fairy tale start to a new position. Manchester United managed to secure a win in the FA Cup third round clash. What could only be described (not to sound too much Alex Fergie but hinged on 2 bad refereeing decisions). The penalty which wasn't a penalty and the harsh sending off, of little Stevie Gerrard. Guess where my loyalties lie. But give it time and I am sure the reds will make something out of the rest of the season. Also today saw the end of the BDO darts championship but as I don't care or have any interest in darts I can tell you nothing about it. So I will ask did Eric Bristow win it.

Monday January 10^th

Nothing to report today as was to busy occupied (not unlike France from 41-44) with the snookerists swinging their clubs and rest things.

 

Tuesday January 11^th

News and twitter was saturated with the story of Mick Hucknall jr. I'm sorry I mean that twunt Edward Woollard. The cockhead who threw the fire extinguisher off of Milton Towers. He was in court today for sentencing and got given 2 ½ years held at her maj's pleasure. Quite rightly he was imprisoned for his crime. But the student types on the trending topic had a very real difficulty in differentiating between their right to protest and someone breaking the law. They fail to see that Mick did not and should never have the right to break the law. I wonder how many of the fools on twitter are actually or wanting to study law at their chosen universities. If any of you saw that footage of the fire extinguisher falling it is amazing that nobody was hurt or killed. I also think it ironic/funny that all of this happened at Tory party HQ. It's good to see Cameron and the Cleggonator's Big Society working so well (bit of politics there). Perhaps the coalition leaders should spin the increase in student fees as University bonus schemes.

 

Wednesday January 12^th

Today I found or rather was posted on twitter Sarah Palin's response to those in the media who think she is responsible for the shootings in Arizona. I will just post the link to the video. Palin Nailin herself. In this video she uses the phrase "Blood Libel". I wander if she realises that this phrase was used in Eastern Europe to spread hatred for the Jewish population. By claiming that the Jewish faith would kidnap and murder Catholic children for their religious rites and ceremonies. It is an even more ill judged use of the phrase because the Congresswoman is also Jewish. You can all make your own judgements on this foolish lady. And if she invites you round for a tea party decline and run away very fast.

 

Thursday January 13^th

Today in the news I saw an article on the Michael Jackson case. His personal doctor Conrad Murray has been officially indicted for his manslaughter. The Los Angeles prosecutors suspect he administered a lethal dosage of sedatives and anaesthetics. The man has pleaded not guilty. Today's hearing also upheld the Californian Medical Commission's decision to suspend his license to practise medicine. In June of 2009 Murray admitted administering Propofol after giving a lighter sedative when the moonwalker couldn't sleep.

After doing some research I found that this drug is a powerful one for somebody to take. It has been speculated that the quacks inability to call and ambulance was a contributing factor in his demise. After giving Jackson the drug he (Murray) went to the bathroom and when he returned found the Jacko unconscious and not breathing. He tried to resuscitate the singer before making several phone calls, to who knows who? Then finally dialled 911.

Doctor Murray said that Jacko had become addicted to propofol after he had been taking it six times a week over the last six months of his life. For those of you who don't know propofol is a powerful and prolonged usage causes hypnosis and amnesia in the person. In patients that are ill too much usage can cause lethal metabolic derangement. This doctor must have known this. Jacko never looked in A1 condition for the last few years of his life. I can just see the quack asking jacko if had the drug and jacko responding no. And with the drugs hypnotic effect he could have persuaded the wackmeister to do what ever he wanted.

 

 

 

 

The News This Week Jan 1-7

As it is the first blog of the year, I'll start with happy news. News that no self respecting Englishman wouldn't be happy to hear (or in this case read). Eleven men true and good won the test series and kept the cold embers urn thing. But let's not get too carried away that the England cricket team spanked the Australians with their stick things. Because let's face when it comes to matters of international sporting achievements we do tend to get thumped by everyone else. Unless it is some chaps or girls wearing unbelievably tight costumes cycling around in circles or that bird that went down an icy tube on a plastic tray, we tend not to maximize our potential on the international sporting arena.

Monday saw in the city of Bristol the release of the Jefferies bloke, who was held in relation to the Yeates murder. It was good to see our nation's media not getting too carried away with condemning the man before he was accused of anything, much less convicting the man before he was charged with anything. Do you see what I did there, for those of you who didn't spot it I was being satirical (actually I was taking the piss). I hope his legal team do the right thing and drag the papers through the courts for printing these stories. But if anyone has seen his picture and let's face who hasn't the bloke does look like one of those meerkats from that fucking annoying advert.

Also in the news this week I was heartened to see that the local authorities did such a splendid job keeping the streets clean and tidy. If this is how, the coalition governments want to save money this is how it should be done by not doing it at all I hope the Cleggonator and Cameron are listening. But don't you think it is interesting that we never see the PM and the Deputy PM in the same room together, but let's face it when they look in the mirror in the morning the slimy Eton bastard sees the other slimy Eaton bastard and vice versa. But what really narks me about the rubbish not being collected haven't these lazy bastards got civic amenity sites where they can deposit rubbish once their usual receptacles are filled? I am sure they do, and what is good about them is they are drive through like McDonald's only they provide a valuable service and don't contribute to the fat content of the idle ones. Just on a legal point, there are other outlets that provide fat drenched food. I wouldn't want to upset any other fast coronary providing chains.

The other big story of the week has been the Eastenders cot death/baby stealing story involving that woman who represented us in Eurovision and was also in that Pie in the Sky program. Samantha Womack who I thought was one half of the band Womack and Womack, but it actually turns out she was once named Janus (thank you Google). By the way Sam good idea taking your hubby's name. I have absolutely no idea why I am writing about this story I don't watch the enders. If I want to be depressed I just chose channel 601 on Virgin Media and watch BBC News 24. And if I really want to squirm in my seat I hope that misogynist John Sopel is on. Disclaimer Sky News ITV and Channel 4 news also employ misogynists too. Actually I have nothing to say about the Enders storyline, I actually think that it says more about the press than the writers and producers of the show. Being under so much pressure to fill air time and tabloid column inches, they will print or broadcast anything that doesn't require any talent or journalistic integrity. Just ask Chris Jefferies, if you don't believe me. And just one last point Eastenders is a FICTIONAL show and as such should not be broadcast on the news. If you want to know what is happening in Albert Square here's a novel idea WATCH IT then you won't need to read about it.

And finally, there will be no and finally portions to these epistles as I find them less uplifting than a Liverpool or Chelsea performance, and about as exciting as an episode of one man and his dog. Trust me compared to that show watching paint dry has its advantages (so says the man who loves to watch snooker). Stay tuned for next weeks edition which will be imaginatively called The News This Week Jan 8-15.

Eat your heart out Capello

The Best England Team Ever?

 

With the appalling performance of the so called England football team at the World Cup I think it is about time to name the best England Team of all time.

Without doubt the keeper's spot has to be Gordon Banks. The four players in front of him Bobby Moore Stuart Pearce Terry Butcher and Jack Charlton

In the midfield I would have Paul Gascoigne Steven Gerrard Chris Waddle and possibly Glen Hoddle pre religious extremism days of course. Up front is a toss up between Gary 'gentleman' Lineker and Bobby Charlton. Or Alan 'receding hairline' Shearer and Michael Owen pre-injury days naturally.

But who could possibly manage this motley crew? Kevin Keegan is a no-no and Graham Taylor would not like my team selection. Terry Venables past would haunt any possibility of being team coach. So that leaves just two possibilities Sir Alf and Sir Bobby. The only way to settle this question would be to put them both in a cage and let them fight to the death. Cruel you might be thinking but if the players were to witness that spectacle it might make them more likely to win. To give them the bull dog fighting spirit.

This team could quite possibly win the World Cup.

Carlsberg do not do Fantasy Football team blogs but if they did........

 

Yes that is right this was all a clumsy set up for an electronic prank.

When I was a kid

Time for me to get all nostalgic. Yesterday I was daydreaming about everything I remembered about my childhood. Mostly good things so I am going to rant about the things I enjoyed most about growing up. And some of the gadgets we had back then that we don't have today.

Children's Television.

Here are my top five T.V. programs that are no longer aired except with the possibility of some of the cable channels. The first thing I miss is Phillip Schofield in the broom cupboard with Gordon the Gopher.

1. Teenage Mutant Ninja/Hero Turtles which had a really catchy theme tune.
   
2. Fantastic Max the superhero baby.
   
3. Jamie and the Magic Torch
   
4. Maid Marian and her Merrymen a bit too sophisticated for children at the time. It had a very subtle sense of humour.
   
5. Going Live with the aforementioned Mr. Schofield I particularly remember a cooking segment where Emma Forbes almost barbecued Gordon the Gopher and of coarse who could forget Trevor and Simon.
   

Quiz Shows

Next my memory of the quiz shows that we used to watch sometimes at the weekend and sometimes they were on during the week.

1. Chegger's Plays Pop
   
2. Mike Reid's Pop Quiz
   
3. Telly Addicts
   
4. Fifteen to One
   
5. And I wonder if any of you can remember Screen Test.
   

Next I think I should mention the popular Radio 1 DJ's of the time. I remember the breakfast show being hosted by Simon Mayo. Jackie Brambles who is now one of the regulars on Loose Women. The bush bearded Dave Lee Travis. This was all in the days where computers, playstations (and games consoles in general) were not a part of everyday living. So as children we had to make our own entertainment. Other things we did which you don't see anymore, kids building go-karts with rope for a steering wheel. Playing board games seems to have died out. And I can still remember black and white TVs. The other simple things like playing cards don't seem to happen. Top Trumps was really popular and collecting sticker albums for the football season, although at the last world cup some colleagues and myself did the 2006 album which I completed.

Popular films of the day were Star Wars and the Indiana Jones movies both of which have made comebacks still capture the imagination. I miss Film???? With Barry Norman who is far better the Jonathon Ross. Star Wars figures but they returned. Action Man is he still around me no not. Do people still play trivial pursuit, scrabble and monopoly? On the last day of term at primary school is there still a toy day?

The gadgets and electronic toys I remember are:-

1. The Donkey Kong Games
   
2. The BBC computer
   
3. That games console that had the twisting controls and that strange tennis game. Can't remember what it was called.
   
4. Watch Calculators and Radio Watches.
   
5. Top Loading Video Recorders with remote controls that had a lead that plugged into the machine. And Beta-max.
   
6. Music cassettes and vinyl discs that had b-sides on them.
   

And now that we have a twenty four hour television service I miss the test card that was on the telly before BBC1 or BBC2 started transmitting its programs. I even miss Saint and Greaves doing their Saturday football round up. The no more than 2 foreign players being allowed in a football team playing in Europe. Murray Walker's commentating on the Grand Prix, Des Lynam on Grandstand. I have fond memories of the classic sketch shows like Harry Enfield and Chum's, KYTV Spitting Image, Blackadder and the Young Ones. I have knowledge that they are all probably available on DVD but I still miss it.

The novelty record releases that don't seem to happen anymore except that fucking awful frog on the motorcycle. Who remembers Doctor Who in the Tardis song, Star Trekking Across the Universe?

Is trans world sport still transmitted?

The car stereos with those great big buttons for changing stations. Television sets that used to have the winder for tuning them. Typewriters they have died out but people would often use them; they had those wonderful ribbons on them that were half black and half red. Stamps that had to be licked they are gone. Other things like Yo-Yo's do children still have them? I can also remember telephones that had to be dialled and were all standard issue from BT the cases were probably made from Bakelite. National Health Glasses I remember the great big plastic frames that they had. The list goes on and on but I do not have the time to elaborate further.

The Dumbest Things Heard or Read

This is kind of a follow up to my posting on famous last words. The theme of which is as entitled. After being back at college for the last six months albeit on a part time basis I never cease to be flabbergasted at some of the things I hear people say. But I suppose I should start this essay with the earliest dumb things that my ears have had to endure.

Going back probably ten years or so when I was as the Americans say a bus boy in the kitchen. Our boss took us all to one side and said that he had given us all a 3% pay increase which was all well and good. Then after he left the kitchen the person I shall name Girl asked what "IS A PERCENT?" now I thought that was quite a dumb thing to say, but the longer I worked with her it appeared the dumber she got. One of the chaps who worked in the bar had been to some do or another and was suited and booted. So I went from the bar to the kitchen and said "(Name left out) is sat in the bar wearing his whistle and flute". And Girl went down to the bar and came back and said "HE IS NOT WEARING A WHISTLE AND FLUTE, HE'S GOT A SUIT ON".

In another work related issue one of the customers who I shall just name as Moron was getting on his soap box at the time of the last foot and mouth outbreak. He was complaining about all the smoke from the pyres that were burning the corpses of the cattle. And had I not been there to hear it for myself I wouldn't have believed it. He said "YOU DON'T SEE THEM BURNING ANY COWS IN LONDON" to which I showed that statement the contempt it deserved by responding to it with the retort "THAT'S BECAUSE THERE ARE NO FUCKING COWS IN LONDON." Then there was another occasion when some of the locals and I were discussing the pros and cons of the internet. Moron said "WELL I THINK THE INTERNET IS A PASSING FAD THAT WON'T CATCH ON". Now if I were to tell you that Girl and Moron were shagging each other it would probably come as no surprise, after all like is attracted to like. That old saying familiarity breed's contempt is wrong. It should be familiarity just breeds.

Then at about the time that Tony Blair won his first general election Moron was complaining about the way in which the new government would ruin countryside living complaining about the fox hunting ban Moron said these Westminster types have no clue about what goes on here. And that it was a shame that more people didn't vote Conservative. After having just complained about this he was asked which way he had voted. Moron said "I NEVER VOTED". Unbelievably dumb I think you will agree.

On Monday at college when I was waiting in line to get a coffee the two youngsters in front of me were talking about their weekend. One of them was upset that his girlfriend had just left him and he couldn't understand what he had done wrong. When his mate asked why she had split up with him his response was as dumb as it was stupefying, he said "SHE WALKED IN ON ME WHILE I WAS GETTING A BLOW JOB OF HER BEST MATE". It was either stupidity or arrogance on his part that he didn't see what he had done wrong. But I think it was a combination of the two.

But without a shadow of a doubt over the last five years the dumbest thing that I have ever read was a statement made by a member of the acting community. It was regarding the recent story about Roman Polanski. I think you no where I am going with this. It was the statement I read in one of the national newspapers and it was a quote from Whoopi Goldberg when referring to the allegations of child rape. The quote read "WELL IT WASN'T RAPE, RAPE WAS IT". That would be and is the equivalent of describing the holocaust as "WELL IT WASN'T GENOSIDE, GENOSIDE WAS IT". I am all for people rallying around their peer groups, but had that been own of their own whose daughter had been raped there would have been a call to arms against him. Unless I am mistaken there can not be anything more stupid than that. Even with long research I don't think I could top that statement.

And remember people try to think about what you say. Think before you engage your mouth because you never no, it could be you who becomes the subject of a blog. Or message on Facebook or even the topic of discussion on Twitter. For the obvious reasons the names of the people described in this story have been left out. Not for regard of their feelings but for the fact I wish I hadn't heard these statements and in some cases met these people.

So in closing I will leave with a statement that was on of my best friends sayings "IF YOU CAN'T LEAVE QUIETLY JUST LEAVE."

Snooker World Cup 2010

As this weekend is the start of the action term used loosely here at The Crucible Theatre for the snooker world championship. In spite of the fact that this game is played in doors and doesn't have action in the classic sense of the word, it is a sport for which I admire its participants. The game when it is played properly is an art form, delicate touch the application of side screw or top for positional play, knowing the geometry of the table, natural angles and so on. The players always having to think three four or five shots ahead. Making adjustments when break building. Then if it all goes wrong finding a decent safety shot.

Not only is this sport a highly skilful one but it has a level playing field, unlike The Premiership in football where you can predict who the top four teams will to a probability of 90%. All the players have the same starting point, a stick, a piece of chalk and a table with 22 balls on. The top sixteen players qualify automatically for it which leaves another sixteen places up for any person who makes it through the qualifiers. Never knowing who the final four places will be contested by.

But the thing I enjoy the most about it has to be the fact that Rocket Ronnie is an absolute pleasure to watch. Adept with both hands his break building skills and natural ability are second to none if he could only get his mental attitude right he would be unstoppable. But let's not forget John Higgins on his day plays beautiful and creative snooker.

The only downside to the whole show that the Crucible is the fact that the BBC will insist on putting a microphone in the hand of that fucking northern cock John Virgo. At the UK championship I watched a frame of snooker (can't remember who was playing) and of the fifteen ideas for shot selections he came up with only two were right. He won't shut up either and he's got one of those accents that cut through your skin like a blunt samurai sword. Is the beeb being PC? Fulfilling it's quota for presenters from all areas of the country, with which I have no problem but in the name of Steve Davis couldn't they get someone who no what they are chatting about. Sorry went off topic there. But that motherfucker makes my yogurt go off.

All in all the coverage by the BBC is excellent the commentary team is generally good with one exception (see above). Favourites include Denis Taylor, Ken Doherty, and Mr. 147 himself Willie Thorne. Then the between frame coverage or the back room team with the legends that are Parrott and Davis, accompanied by Hazel Irving and that bloke that presents the football league show whose name escapes me.

I suppose all that is left to do is to make my own humble prediction. The last four players in my opinion will be John Higgins, Rocket Ronnie, and Mark Williams and with any luck Stephen Hendry. But time will bare me out on this. As for the overall winner I will not say because it is so hard to choose. This blog has ended in a completely different place from whence it started, was going to talk about all he legends of the game but the train of thought got consumed by my unyielding detestation for allowing Virgo on our TV sets. Damn your squint fucking commentators eye, you've sapped any intelligent thought process I had at the start of this essay. I forgot to mention Hawkeye and how that better helps the viewer understand the wonderful game double DAMN!!

Extreme Political Organisations

Should The BNP Be Given A Public Forum?

With the recent revelations that the BNP is asking for public money to fund it's campaign in the next general election, which is of course reprehensible to most people. They should be trying to raise the money for themselves. And realistically they will not make much impact on the political scene at a national level. No self respecting voter with any Judo-Christian ethics would ever bring themselves to vote for a bigoted and misguided party anyway. The real question is should parties such as the BNP be allowed to put candidates forward for election into public office?

Regrettably the answer to this question is yes. Any person whose views no matter how disgusting most good thinking people find them are afforded this very right. They should also be allowed to speak at public forums to get their message across, with the proviso they don't incite their followers to take violent action to get what they want. This is the most fundamental thing that our grandparent's generation suffered so much privation and hardship for, the right of a free press and the freedom of speech of the country's citizens and free and fair elections.

To allow anything other than this would dishonour the memory of the fallen in both past and present conflicts. To bar a political organisation from entering into the political process would be a violation of the right to freedom of speech, and would make this nation no better than any other state that imposes dictatorial rule over its citizens. In all honesty it is better to hear the ranting of a right wing fool, than to be arrested for vocalising your opinions in public.

We should allow this to happen not because we agree with these parties, but that it makes us better tolerant people for doing so. It also sends a clear message to those who want suppress and mute their citizens that we practise what we preach. No matter how morally wrong the policies of such a party might be. If we were living under a different regime this very transmission would not be permitted. And when the leader of the BNP appeared on the BBC's Question Time he came across exactly as what everybody thought he was a mindless buffoon with an extremely low moral constitution, if any at all.

In closing it is testament to our society and system of government that we allow these foolish parties to be given a forum with which to air their opinions and grievances. And it is the best way in which we can honour the memory of those brave soles who died fighting for freedom in Europe and the South Pacific. Otherwise it would have been a pointless waste of life and a waste of resources on a global scale.